jjsjigs
Banned
So I go to the Wyalusing last night. If I would have only know that all the little pesky events that happened were a precursor of thing to come... I would have just never would have left my house.
First... I watch a frac truck turn a deer into a fine red mist in front of me. The Jeep-Jeep caught the leftovers on the windshield. Not fun to try and wipe doe chunks off my windsheild with a half used Kleenex and old coffee in a cup.
Second... I parked my Jeep before the bridge in front of the dry hydrant area of the Wyalusing FD. Little did I know the berm was really soft and undercut. So the Jeep became tilted and the berm started to collaspe under me. How cool is that? Can you say... instant asshole puckering!
Third... Whomover decided that throwing 45lbs of barbed wire into the creek was a good idea? It rusts pretty quick and therefore one wading in the creek can't see it. Rust kinda blends in with the water color. So, 15 cuts later I'm wondering how the "mosquitos" were biting me under the water. Then stupidly, I spray bug spray on what I thought were insect bites without looking that it was open wounds. NOTE TO SELF: Bug spray stings like a motherfucker on open cuts.
Third (part B): Leather Gloves would be a good thing to wear then one tries to remove half a ******* spool of barbed wire out of a stream bed.
Fourth... If you can't see the bottom of the creek... don't try and wade through it. 'nuff said. Or at least wear quick drying clothes.
Fourth (part B): Automatic key fob door opener things don't work after they get wet. Learn to embrace the use of plastic ziploc baggies for pocket items when wetwading.
Fifth... Muskrats have a temper. Waving a flyrod at them only pisses them off further. Did you know that they will hiss at you and swim towards you in a menacing manner?
Fifth (part B)... you reach down for your 9mm and realize you left it in the car along with your cellphone so now you can't dial 911 when being forcibly raped and molested by a crazy-assed muskrat! (almost forcibly raped) He did buy me dinner first... so y'know, it wasn't that bad.
Fifth (part C)... now matter how fast you think you can run on land. Doing it in the water is 75% slower.
Sixth: When you tangle your line in a dead overhanging treebranch and decide to pull the branch down to retrieve your fly by pulling with your line towards you. Remember Newton's law of motion... or at least duck when the branch come hurling at you. Images of an impaled object sticking out of my skull suddenly flashed through my brain.
Seventh: After 90 minutes of flogging the water and wishing that you brought a flashlight to hike back to the Jeep. One should try and find a path instead of making one.... through 4 acres of nettles.
Eighth: I'm an idiot.... and have cupholders in my Jeep. I SHOULD USE THEM! Instead of reserving a caddy spot for your Skoal spitter. Nuclear hot coffee in a thin styrofoam cup does NOT travel well sitting between your legs while driving home at 60mph.
Ninth (in hindsight): If the first 8 things happen within 120 minutes of leaving your house. Think twice about all that shit before you head off fishing alone again way out in the ******* middle of nowhere without telling someone where the hell you were going to go fishing at. Or at least leave a note, text, email, smoke signal, carrier pidgeon.
That is all. Have a great 4th of July weekend everyone. I'm actually kinda glad I'm at work all weekend. It's safer here!!
First... I watch a frac truck turn a deer into a fine red mist in front of me. The Jeep-Jeep caught the leftovers on the windshield. Not fun to try and wipe doe chunks off my windsheild with a half used Kleenex and old coffee in a cup.
Second... I parked my Jeep before the bridge in front of the dry hydrant area of the Wyalusing FD. Little did I know the berm was really soft and undercut. So the Jeep became tilted and the berm started to collaspe under me. How cool is that? Can you say... instant asshole puckering!
Third... Whomover decided that throwing 45lbs of barbed wire into the creek was a good idea? It rusts pretty quick and therefore one wading in the creek can't see it. Rust kinda blends in with the water color. So, 15 cuts later I'm wondering how the "mosquitos" were biting me under the water. Then stupidly, I spray bug spray on what I thought were insect bites without looking that it was open wounds. NOTE TO SELF: Bug spray stings like a motherfucker on open cuts.
Third (part B): Leather Gloves would be a good thing to wear then one tries to remove half a ******* spool of barbed wire out of a stream bed.
Fourth... If you can't see the bottom of the creek... don't try and wade through it. 'nuff said. Or at least wear quick drying clothes.
Fourth (part B): Automatic key fob door opener things don't work after they get wet. Learn to embrace the use of plastic ziploc baggies for pocket items when wetwading.
Fifth... Muskrats have a temper. Waving a flyrod at them only pisses them off further. Did you know that they will hiss at you and swim towards you in a menacing manner?
Fifth (part B)... you reach down for your 9mm and realize you left it in the car along with your cellphone so now you can't dial 911 when being forcibly raped and molested by a crazy-assed muskrat! (almost forcibly raped) He did buy me dinner first... so y'know, it wasn't that bad.
Fifth (part C)... now matter how fast you think you can run on land. Doing it in the water is 75% slower.
Sixth: When you tangle your line in a dead overhanging treebranch and decide to pull the branch down to retrieve your fly by pulling with your line towards you. Remember Newton's law of motion... or at least duck when the branch come hurling at you. Images of an impaled object sticking out of my skull suddenly flashed through my brain.
Seventh: After 90 minutes of flogging the water and wishing that you brought a flashlight to hike back to the Jeep. One should try and find a path instead of making one.... through 4 acres of nettles.
Eighth: I'm an idiot.... and have cupholders in my Jeep. I SHOULD USE THEM! Instead of reserving a caddy spot for your Skoal spitter. Nuclear hot coffee in a thin styrofoam cup does NOT travel well sitting between your legs while driving home at 60mph.
Ninth (in hindsight): If the first 8 things happen within 120 minutes of leaving your house. Think twice about all that shit before you head off fishing alone again way out in the ******* middle of nowhere without telling someone where the hell you were going to go fishing at. Or at least leave a note, text, email, smoke signal, carrier pidgeon.
That is all. Have a great 4th of July weekend everyone. I'm actually kinda glad I'm at work all weekend. It's safer here!!
